concealer

flaws can only be judged subjectively.
so when will you realise what you're using to cover up yours?
me? a smile and a nice little greetin
it's not confidence, it's customer serivce.
see how easily things can get muddled up?
the beauty of concealer is that sometimes its so well applied, people won't even know until you tell them :)
but be careful so you don't become dependent upon it ;)


-lmc

objective state of mind

wanna know why i don't like making mistakes?
cause you always seemed like you never did
wanna know why i still believe i can save people?
cause i can see the way you did
Is it really worth it at the end of the day?
I finally realise i can't answer everything.

lmc

compare

i don't like how i always seem to compare myself to people.
I don't like how insecurities can cause so much drama.
I don't like how I can't trust myself to make my own choices.
I don't like a lot of things i do and say.
But I do like,
the people in my life that take me for who i am, the nutcase i am.
when people tell me why they like me as a person. i need that reassurance.
how everything comes and goes but seems to work out at the end.

i don't like how i don't seem to dwell up on the fact that the people in my life make my life absolutely fantastic.
I do like the fact that i'm learning to appreciate them one by one.

xx.
lmc

mechanisms

quiet days at work equate to loud days in the mind.
staring at a bunch of watches is a reflection of everything.
looking at that watch we got tony,
it's so clear what it's telling you, even with it's 3 dials.
everything is so spread out in that face yet so distinct.
look to the left, there's the 1 face but a gazillion things going on.
It's so hard to read, nothing's seperated everything is just meshed together.
and all i can think about is whether or not the guy that designed that could read it himself.
My life was like that watch, the one with the 3 different dials, i had one world with little worlds within it. I could tell them apart and they were so easy to read.
Now they meshed it all together and i can't read a goddam thing.

lmc

u

u freakin mean mother chucker :@
ARGH no just fkn ARGH

secrets

hell ave aye.

flashbacks

'too much pride to say it, too little not to recognise that i am'
Sleepless nights, mindless actions and empty promises have lead me to this blog.
I'm sorry because...
- I chose to let others words get the better of me and started to close you off. I'm terribly sorry, you have no idea. You're a great person, amazing and nobody should ever be treated that way. bitch. i have officially been stamped.
- I make promises to you in order to make you smile and forget what I said and end up giving you promises in the dark. It was never meant to hurt you but I'm terribly selfish and was only thinking bout myself. selfish cow. officially stamped.
- I forget to appreciate the small things you do for me cause i've built an expectation around you. Ive come to see the glass as half empty as opposed to half full with you. I really do appreciate the small things you do. u make me smile. eos
-Everything got out of hand and too much crap went down. It may not be my fault but i was part of the problem. jerk. officially stamped.
-I get angry when i miss you so i try to delete you out of my life to make it easier. arsehole. officially stamped.

- i know i'm not perfect, but you make me feel worth it in times when i feel worth less :)

xx. lmc.

insomnia

I think I have something to tell you. I think i need to tell you. Problem is- i don't wanna tell you and guess what? i probably will never tell you, so you can read this and see if it applies to you- if it does, then it's probably about you. i'm not gonna lie, i'm just gonna make it ambiguous.

You know what hurts? falling off a bike. you know what pain is? being left behind. yeah, it's painful as hell, where you know you weren't good enough to get carried through for some reason where you probably know deep down inside as to why, but you just didn't want to believe it in order to try and decrease the pain. So i've been thinking of what has been upsetting me lately. And I finally realised what it was. The fear of getting left behind. Yeah, it's happened before but silly me, i've always welcomed people back with opened arms. I was told today to stop doing that and I wish it were that easy. So now i have a message, no scratch that. i have a favour to ask of you. if you're planning on leaving me behind for a bit, then please get the hell out. Don't come back and hurt me again. I have to choose the people I don't mind getting hurt for, stop taking other peoples spots over and over again. please. just. go. I can't always be your safety net cause you're gonna burn me so bad it's gonna leave holes and it'll just end up hurting both of us. I don't wanna hurt you even if you hurt me. I just want you to go. please.

thoughts of you, me but not us

'temporary happiness is like waiting for the knife, you're always waiting for somebody to show their darker side'

Hurry up and do it already so I don't get use to this feeling. Even in mygreatest state of mind, where i'm in a place I could get use too, a place I can enjoy...yeah you know? that thing you call happiness? yeah, somebody is gonna come tumbling over and crush it over. It's not a matter of 'if' but 'when'...and if you think its not gonna happen then you really need to realise that life isn't rainbows and butterflies. yeah, to get to the rainbow you gotta go through the rain and we all know that rainbows don't last forever. So i'm just gonna sit here and wait and when it happens it won't even hurt cause i expected it. that's life. crap happens. deal.

drift. i never imagined that it would happen but guess what? we're in that spot now where we're drifting apart. Maybe you don't realise it's happening but i do, and while we're drifting, we're pushing each other away and somebody is grabbing what's left of us till there's nothing left for us to share. I'm getting use to it. Maybe you are too and one day we'll both realise what happened and have a laugh over it. I can imagine that happening. I guess that's the silver lining to this grey cloud aye?

xx.
lmc :)